I’ve been listening to a lot of empowering music by women lately like Lizzo, Beyoncé, Selena, and Adele post break-up. Music can be therapeutic and it certainly put things into perspective for me about how my break-up was actually a good thing.
I found these powerful messages in music to guide me in being single and happy.
“Get a bigger smile on my face, being alone” – Beyoncé – Don’t Hurt Yourself
I’m happier being single without him than being with him and miserable. There’s a saying in Spanish, “mejor sola que mal acompañada”, which translates to, “I’d rather be alone than in bad company.” Beyoncé also raises a strong message about consequences for your partner’s actions. When someone lies to you, cheats on you, or abuses you emotionally or physically, there are consequences for those actions. You must hold people accountable. It is imperative to command respect and know your worth. In the end, it’s their loss, and your gain to be rid of a toxic relationship.
“When you hurt me, you hurt yourself. When you play me, you play yourself.”
“Best thing I never had”—Beyoncé—Best Thing I Never Had
Queen Bey certainly does not disappoint when it comes to uplifting songs for women experiencing heartbreak. Love can be blind? No, obsession can lead to poor choices like staying with someone who does not value you. That’s what happened to me. After cutting off all communication, I was able to see things more clearly. I could see that the loss of this relationship was not a loss at all. The best thing that could have happened was the demise of this relationship early on rather than later. And, I was able to have hope for better things to come.
“I put the sing in single. Ain’t worried ‘bout a ring on my finger”—Lizzo—Truth Hurts
Lizzo’s Truth Hurts is the ultimate break-up anthem and I’m all here for it. So many songs cling to this happy ending where you find new love in a new man. Songs like that can send a troubling message about love with a partner being the end goal or the only goal. Self-love is important too. And, I had to stop putting so much pressure on myself to find someone to settle down with and marry. There’s nothing wrong with being single. There are so many pressures from society when “women of a certain age” aren’t engaged or married yet. This is why I love the lyrics from Lizzo’s song because they emphasize the importance of self-love and worth.
“Si una vez dije que te amaba no lo vuelvo hacer. Ese error es cosa de ayer. (If I told you once I loved you, I will never do it again. That mistake is of the past.)”—Selena—Si Una Vez
Selena’s music has kept my spirits up through difficult times in my life from my parent’s separation to heartbreaks as a teenager. In her song, Si Una Vez, she sings about an ex you regret saying, “I love you” to. You hear people say all the time that you shouldn’t live with regrets. I think this message does not apply to every situation. I regret being in a toxic relationship when I had several chances to walk away and choose me. And, I can say that I regret saying, “I love you.” I may not regret the love itself, but I can say I regret my words and affections when they were undeserving of the person on the receiving end. Love is not just a feeling, it’s put into action. It allows me to recognize when love is reciprocated and when it is not. Having a relationship of any kind that is unbalanced is unhealthy. It may not always be straight down the line 50/50, but it should never feel one-sided.
“Up in the club, just broke up. I’m doing my own little thing.”—Beyoncé—Single Ladies
It’s important to embrace the fun aspect of being single. Whether going out with your girlfriends, sprawled in the middle of the bed all to yourself watching Netflix or reading a book, there are things to enjoy when you’re single. You should enjoy these even when you’re not single. But, I appreciate them so much more now. I recognize that I should never change my identity or compromise my self-worth whether I’m single or in a relationship.
Photographer: Tommy Kim