Today was filled with some emotionally charged conversations so this post is reflective of that. Sometimes I am unwilling to take ownership of my feelings simply to spare someone else’s, but that’s awful isn’t it? To deny how you feel or what you want to say does nobody any good; it simply festers. Now, I can’t speak for every single situation, and I am certainly not a saint when it comes to honesty, but today’s challenge has me thinking about my lack of assertiveness.
Day 12: If You Can Change Something About Your Personality, What Would it Be and Why?
I’d like to be more assertive. I believe that on social media, I might seem like this bad-ass trailblazer in the body acceptance movement. Yes, I’m an advocate and I feel empowered when I contribute to this movement, but I am much more soft-spoken than I would like to be.
It’s never come naturally to stick up for myself. I was always the kid that put others before myself, always gave you some chump change to buy a candy at school, always let you borrow my pencil or pen, let you sit next to the window on the bus. There’s nothing wrong with being kind or caring, doing something for someone without wanting anything in return. But, I wish I was more assertive, more willing to stand up for myself, my beliefs and convictions. To be willing to express my emotions is placing myself in a very vulnerable place. It’s like opening the door to my heart for someone to step inside and possibly wreck everything up in there.
Perhaps that’s why I maintain my distance at times even within my own tight circle of friends. I’ve slowly started to challenge my own inherited beliefs about beauty and summoned up the courage to challenge society’s as well. It hasn’t been easy. At times, I just simply delete an internet troll’s comment or block them. I feel guilty when doing that, makes me feel like I couldn’t stand up for myself or other women. I am aware that I can’t put that type of accountability on my shoulders, but I do wish I was more outspoken when it comes to hate and discrimination. I feel like I’ve taken some rather huge steps. I recognize that my blog is one form of challenging other’s beauty standards as well expressing my own thoughts and feelings on the subject.
XOXO Chica Rosita